Bigger than My Body

Bigger than My Body

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes." ~ Sally Field

I have always been a big girl. I am comfortable with my body but there is a price to pay for being different.

In primary school, I was an enthusiastic gymnast and was actually team captain in my final year. I was not brilliant and had to make up for my inadequacies by hours and hours of extra practice. Long after the other girls had left I would still be in the school hall going over every routine. It took months to master the clubs and in the early days, I always managed to get my ribbon in a terrible knot. However, I persevered and I improved so much so that in 2002 I was in the Zimbabwe National Gymnastics Championships Final.

The crowd never expected the little hippo bursting out of her leotard to have the talent, grace or control required to be a rhythmic gymnast.

Whenever I went up in a competition, I always got the sense that the crowd did not expect much from the overweight child before them. The crowd never expected the little hippo bursting out of her leotard to have the talent, grace or control required to be a rhythmic gymnast. This crowd was no different. They commented loudly about my weight. One man even said, “That is the ugliest leotard I have ever seen and the elephant inside it isn’t much better!”

I was mortified. As I tried to blink away the tears, I wanted to tell the man the reason I was wearing a leotard that resembled elephant hide was that I could not find any other in my size. Pretty does not come in extra-large. Instead I let my ribbon do the talking. I had worked particularly hard on my ribbon work and it showed. On the first beat I knew it was going to be great. The notes seemed to twirl along with the ribbon. I was gliding on the music, each crescendo echoing the exaltation in my heart as I executed the moves. Soon the sniggers of the crowd turned to cheers. As I went into that last split leap and cascaded the ribbon in a waterfall entering my final pose, the crowd went quiet. My ribbon ceased to flutter and all was still. Then the crowd erupted. I turned to face them and found each one on their feet, applauding. It was incredible.

I was crowned National Champion that year, but that was not the best thing I got from hours of grueling practice. The best thing was the knowledge that my body does not dictate what I am capable of. Society seems to assume that all overweight people are unhappy with their weight and have low self-esteem, so they never amount to much. I do not believe that. My body does not define who I am and should never limit what I can do.

I know that I can achieve anything I put my mind to because I am bigger than my body. Who wants to be normal anyway?